As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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