worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
