Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
