put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
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