so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
