There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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