Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
