3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
