Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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