things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
