$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
