two words: eviction party
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
