God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
