this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
