When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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