I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
