I just threw up on my dentist
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Sorry about my life...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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