You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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