Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
only you would photoshop your dick
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
