i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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