he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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