I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
