I just threw up on my dentist
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
