i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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