she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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