I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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