I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
