I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dignity is for republicans.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
