How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
