Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
