i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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