when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
