so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
