I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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