I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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