She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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