he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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