John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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