He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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