After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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