Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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