I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
