Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize