At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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