I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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