I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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