very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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