you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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