in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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