Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
