I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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