All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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