I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
