I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
