You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
