shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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