the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
