There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
