i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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