sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
