I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
