i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
