Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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