So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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