this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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