rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
