hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
