my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I need moral support for this bender
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
