Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
