she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
