Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
