did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
