I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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