When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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