I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
