Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
