I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
