I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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