I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
