oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
